As I look back on the memories of the three babies we have had to say goodbye to, I thank God for His grace and mercy in giving us the ability to have a funeral for each one.
When Seth died in 1998, there was no question in our mind that we wanted him to be properly buried. We wanted him to have a funeral mass. When we made the request for a death certificate from our doctor though, we were looked at with a sort of strange expression as if we had asked for something that was beyond the realm of possibility.
It was an exhausting process as the doctor would not give us a death certificate until we could "prove" that we had a baby that had died. Hmmmm? That seemed a strange request to us, as we had already had a positive pregnancy test, had heard the heartbeat, and everything in my body was preparing to bring a new life into the world.
Regardless, we still needed proof, so the doctor directed us to the pathology department at the local hospital. We took Seth's remains there and they did tests to determine if they were human in nature. A few days later we got a call and they confirmed that indeed the remains were human. A baby had died in my womb.
When I went back to the hospital to pick up his little body, I told the person at the desk what I was there for. She became very uncomfortable, flitting around the room, shuffling papers and finally calling on another colleague. She said, "Mrs. Usher is here for......(long pause).......she wants to pick up....(long pause).....she is here to get the products of conception.
I could not believe my ears and if I had not been so exhausted from the entire experience, I may have inquired further why she said what she did. I just did not understand why she was not able to simply say, "Mrs. Usher is here to pick up the remains of her baby Seth." It would have been so much easier, and it would have been the truth.
I thought about it for a while and she was indeed correct when she called my baby the product of conception. When a man and a woman conceive, the product of that conception is a baby. It is never anything else. Why do we have such a hard time saying that the little creature inside the womb of a woman who has conceived is a baby? Why does it seem so strange that when they die, we as mothers and fathers need to grieve? It is a strange phenomenon indeed, one which I would love to talk more about.
I will write more later, I need to go take care of my baby!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
You Can Trust Him Even in Death!
God is Faithful, Even in Death
We had been married six years, had three beautiful children, all healthy, and were expecting our fourth. We had gone to the doctor the week before and everything was fine. We were just 10 weeks along when I started bleeding. We soon found out our baby Seth, had died. It was a devastating blow that we did not see coming.
It was not even a question that we were going to have a funeral mass for our baby. We made the preparations, got a death certificate from our doctor, talked to our priest and made all the necessary arrangements. The funeral service turned out beautifully. Many people came to the funeral, and our baby was buried with the dignity he deserved.
During all of the whirlwind of events that were going on, I slipped away for a few moments to spend time with God. I held my journal as my head spun with a myriad of thoughts about what had just happened. I managed to write just a few sentences. One that read, "This baby will help to bring abortion to an end."
I did not even think about what I had written. I just wrote it down, and closed my journal.
It was two years later that I was sitting in my living room with a dear friend from church. My husband was out in the driveway fixing her car as we sat chatting on the couch. From out of nowhere she began to share a part of her life that I had never known.
She told me of a job she used to have. She used to work for an abortion clinic. She told me of the times that she and the other workers would laugh and make jokes about the tiny body parts that were being sucked from the mother's womb. She told me how she could see the parts as they would travel down the transparent vacuum tube. She herself had had two abortions and had been teaching her daughters that they had the right to do the same. Then she told me that one day, she just could not do it any more, she had to get a different job. She did not know what it was, she just had to get out of there.
Ironically, she got a job taking care of small children, but was still very much in favor of abortion.
I was stunned. I had no idea. I could not believe what I was hearing and did not know what to say. I finally asked her, "What made you change your mind? I know you are very pro-life now, what happened?"
She looked at me and in a very gentle whisper said, "Seth's funeral." She told me that when she attended the funeral for a baby that was just ten weeks in the womb, she knew at that moment, that it was truly a human being, deserving of life from the very moment of conception. She was now teaching her daughters the same.
My heart nearly collapsed at the thought of what our little boy's life had meant to this woman. I had no idea the impact that He would have. God used the devastation of our child's death to bring life to a mother and her children. In his little 10 week life, God had indeed used this baby to help bring abortion to an end.
We had been married six years, had three beautiful children, all healthy, and were expecting our fourth. We had gone to the doctor the week before and everything was fine. We were just 10 weeks along when I started bleeding. We soon found out our baby Seth, had died. It was a devastating blow that we did not see coming.
It was not even a question that we were going to have a funeral mass for our baby. We made the preparations, got a death certificate from our doctor, talked to our priest and made all the necessary arrangements. The funeral service turned out beautifully. Many people came to the funeral, and our baby was buried with the dignity he deserved.
During all of the whirlwind of events that were going on, I slipped away for a few moments to spend time with God. I held my journal as my head spun with a myriad of thoughts about what had just happened. I managed to write just a few sentences. One that read, "This baby will help to bring abortion to an end."
I did not even think about what I had written. I just wrote it down, and closed my journal.
It was two years later that I was sitting in my living room with a dear friend from church. My husband was out in the driveway fixing her car as we sat chatting on the couch. From out of nowhere she began to share a part of her life that I had never known.
She told me of a job she used to have. She used to work for an abortion clinic. She told me of the times that she and the other workers would laugh and make jokes about the tiny body parts that were being sucked from the mother's womb. She told me how she could see the parts as they would travel down the transparent vacuum tube. She herself had had two abortions and had been teaching her daughters that they had the right to do the same. Then she told me that one day, she just could not do it any more, she had to get a different job. She did not know what it was, she just had to get out of there.
Ironically, she got a job taking care of small children, but was still very much in favor of abortion.
I was stunned. I had no idea. I could not believe what I was hearing and did not know what to say. I finally asked her, "What made you change your mind? I know you are very pro-life now, what happened?"
She looked at me and in a very gentle whisper said, "Seth's funeral." She told me that when she attended the funeral for a baby that was just ten weeks in the womb, she knew at that moment, that it was truly a human being, deserving of life from the very moment of conception. She was now teaching her daughters the same.
My heart nearly collapsed at the thought of what our little boy's life had meant to this woman. I had no idea the impact that He would have. God used the devastation of our child's death to bring life to a mother and her children. In his little 10 week life, God had indeed used this baby to help bring abortion to an end.
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