Our babies deserve the dignity of a proper burial if at all possible

As I look back on the memories of the three babies we have had to say goodbye to, I thank God for His grace and mercy in giving us the ability to have a funeral for each one.

When Seth died in 1998, there was no question in our mind that we wanted him to be properly buried.  We wanted him to have a funeral mass.  When we made the request for a death certificate from our doctor though, we were looked at with a sort of strange expression as if we had asked for something that was beyond the realm of possibility.

It was an exhausting process as the doctor would not give us a death certificate until we could "prove" that we had a baby that had died.  Hmmmm?  That seemed a strange request to us, as we had already had a positive pregnancy test, had heard the heartbeat, and everything in my body was preparing to bring a new life into the world.

Regardless, we still needed proof, so the doctor directed us to the pathology department at the local hospital.  We took Seth's remains there and they did tests to determine if they were human in nature.  A few days later we got a call and they confirmed that indeed the remains were human.  A baby had died in my womb.

When I went back to the hospital to pick up his little body, I told the person at the desk what I was there for.  She became very uncomfortable, flitting around the room, shuffling papers and finally calling on another colleague.  She said, "Mrs. Usher is here for......(long pause).......she wants to pick up....(long pause).....she is here to get the products of conception.

I could not believe my ears and if I had not been so exhausted from the entire experience, I may have inquired further why she said what she did.  I just did not understand why she was not able to simply say, "Mrs. Usher is here to pick up the remains of her baby Seth."  It would have been so much easier, and it would have been the truth.

I thought about it for a while and she was indeed correct when she called my baby the product of conception.  When a man and a woman conceive, the product of that conception is a baby.   It is never anything else.  Why do we have such a hard time saying that the little creature inside the womb of a woman who has conceived is a baby?   Why does it seem so strange that when they die, we as mothers and fathers need to grieve?  It is a strange phenomenon indeed, one which I would love to talk more about.

I will write more later, I need to go take care of my baby!